Brian Kennett
Amateur Chef and Boozy Traveling Foodie Extraordinaire
Wet Markets and Oyster Omelettes
Oyster Omelettes are not something usual in my personal vocabulary when I discuss things I am about to eat, or have just eaten. But this day, all that changed. It all changed because of my dear friend and partner-in-crime on Islifearecipe, Mr Spencer. Yes he dragged me from a hungover bed state at something like 5:30am to get down to Chinatown (that rhymes) to eat bloody Oyster Omelettes: OMG!!!
Today Spencer was my camera man and guide, and his beautiful wife, Emily, was my translator. They took me on another foodie journey, a journey for me into the world of oyster omelettes, so here comes my little write up of this barf-tastic moment of wet markets and oyster omelettes – ‘enjoyed’ in ChinaTown wet market with Spencer and Emily Campbell. Dear me. Here we go.
Super Mummy, are you serious? My Mum would never do this to me, but my surrogate Mum and Dad for today, AKA Spencer and Emily, took great delight in what they were about to inflict upon me: Super Mummy Oyster Omelettes.
Now I have had live oysters before and to be honest with a wee squirt of lemon, a sprinkle of salt and black pepper served with some bubbles or a beer I actually quite like them. Similar to me and fish – de-scale it, wipe its bum and I’ll eat most things raw (just not oily fish), but cook it and see you later. I don’t know why. The other really strange thing is that I can cook fish, I think to a very good standard and variety, without actually tasting it, but I know my recipe will ‘work’. Kind of weird right.
This is taking place at the Singapore China Town Wet Market at 7am, and was consumed at Super Mummy. I felt like wearing a cape and putting my pants over my trousers after one bite as well – yes I surely was a SuperMan, not Mummy, for eating this Oyster concoction. Ooooohhhh. So check the video first and then read on my friends.
OK, doesn’t look too bad, but hold on a minute… What is that great big lump of grey shiny sh!t in the bottom left. Looks scary, looks daunting – let’s have a closer look at that bugger.
That is like something out of The Alien movie series. Holy Moly, what is that thing… I think it’s still breathing and certainly giving me a nasty look…
Holy mother of oysters – not quite sure whether to lay my head on it and have a sleep or try to eat it. Well what did my cameraman demand? Yep you got it folks, it was indeed the latter. Now we have some video of this but here is the act before. My chopstick skills as The Semi-Naked Chef are usually quite good, but I kept dropping this, maybe on purpose or maybe because my hands were shaking so much ha ha.
And down the hatch she goes, this oyster was so big, it was like trying to swallow a small child. I added a big dollop of chilli paste to try to help but it was still like chewing a huge, fishy, salty marshmallow (or pillow). I really did struggle to get this bad boy down, and make it stay down – I think as you’ll see from the video above. It literally hit my tongue and went BOOM – FISH. Oh my gosh, and don’t forget it’s 7am after a rather long booozy night before.
All I can hear through the pain is the giggles of my camera man and guide/translator. Luckily a rather strong coffee was at hand to help some side effect and taste removal. But I will say that taste was there pretty much all morning. Wow. Memoirs of wet markets and oyster omelettes will not be something I forget in a long long while. Have you ever tried to chew and swallow a fishy pillow, oh my goodness…
Oyster Omelettes Recipe (I can't believe I am doing this...)
Starch Solution Mix
- 1 cup Water
- 1 tbsp rice flour
- 1 tbsp corn flour
- 2 tbsp tapioca starch
Seasoning Sauce
- 1 tbsp Soy Sauce
- 1 tbsp fish sauce
- 2 tbsp Hua Diao
Other ingredients
3 qty Eggs
3 tbsp lard oil
2 stalks chives/ spring onions
Oysters
- 200 grams fresh oysters (or none if you’d prefer…)
- 1 tbsp Hua Diao
- 1/2 tbsp Soy Sauce
- 1/2 tsp garlic
How to Combine the ingredients
- Combine all of the flour with 1 cup water in a bowl and put aside.
- Oysters should be marinated in Hua Diao wine and soy sauce. Place aside.
- In a bowl, combine all of the ingredients for the seasoning sauce. Combine thoroughly.
- In a mixing dish, whisk together 3 eggs and 1 tablespoon of the spice sauce.
- Add some lard oil to a hot skillet and pour in the starch batter.
- Add the beaten eggs when the batter begins to crisp around the edges.
- Add the chives/spring onions and season with seasoning sauce and lard oil.
- Separate the omelette into smaller pieces by flipping it over.
- Withdraw the omelette and add the garlic. Fry for a few seconds.
- Combine the oysters and garlic thoroughly. Drizzle some seasoning sauce over the oysters and incorporate them well into the omelette.
- Arrange in a serving dish and garnish with coriander leaves.
Oyster Omelettes: my pained final thoughts, and memories (aka nightmares...)
Right then, let’s address the absolute absurdity of my situation: a middle-aged Ang Mo bloke who despises fish with the passion of a thousand suns, voluntarily shoving oyster omelettes into his gob for the sake of Singapore food blogging. My mate SPencer and his lovely lady both found this hysterical. I literally left, questioning my life choices whilst simultaneously reaching constantly, and not for another forkful – I mean dry-reaching…
Oyster omelettes—or orh luak as the locals correctly call it-remain my total nemesis, as a dish that challenges every preconceived notion I had about Singaporean hawker food and my own stubborn refusal to eat anything that once lived underwater in a shell. I have though expanded my repetoir as a food critic and can now call this dish totally and utterly disgusting sh!t that I will never eat again.
I tried evertying: “excuse me auntie, can I have extra chilli?”, “has anyone got a mint?” as something to help me remove the taste from my mouth, perhaps like the first time you perform oral sex. I just could not get rid of that taste, for hours after.
So here’s my final verdict on Singapore’s oyster omelettes as delivered by an angmo fish-hater who somehow ended up eating a plate of this nonsense: would I eat it again, absolutely bloody not—let’s not get carried away here. But, my recommendation to fellow fish-hating angmos visiting Singapore: try the oyster omelette anyway, preferably at a proper hawker centre where the auntie looks like she’s been making this dish since before you were born and the queue stretches back three stalls. You never know, you might just like it…
And if you still hate it after a genuine attempt, fair enough—more oyster omelettes for the rest of Singapore who like this stuff and will be Singaporeans that will happily queue for forty-five minutes for this supposed good stuff. ENJOY!!!
How to Spell Omelette? (yes people have asked)
Some people have written in asking about the spelling of the word Omlette (or omelet), when it comes to the correct spelling of a word, there are no hard and fast rules. An omelette is often known as an omelet in American English…. As the British form of “omelette” suggests, this word is really a contemporary French word.